Thursday, September 12, 2013

STUFF SINGLE PEOPLE ARE TIRED OF HEARING



Semi-recently, Buzzfeed posted a delightful article entitled 24 Things Single People Are Tired of Hearing and as a single person, I could not agree more!

The ones that especially hit home for me:

#1) “…You’re so great”
I love my friends and I know they love me which is why they would say something like that, meaning for it to be a compliment but in reality makes me check myself. While I don’t think I’m “so great”, I’d say overall I am a fairly nice, normal person with strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else. Which doesn’t make me feel any better; if I’m “so great” why am I still single? Yet, if I’m nice and normal, again, why am I still single?

#6) “You should try online dating…”
After me being stuck in a rut a few years ago, my best friend suggested that I should give online dating a go. This past spring, when I actually dipped my toe in the ocean of online-dating, she seemed surprised. She explained to me that she meant for me to try it if I was “thirty and had no prospects”. Ah, so it was meant to be a last resort.

#11) “…You’ll wish you were single”
While most of my friends are not married (a few are, with some who are engaged or soon-to-be engaged), I tend to hear a lot of “I wish I were single” comments from my attached friends. Relationships can be stressful, but this statement is somewhat ludicrous. This statement usually comes from the trapeze daters, too. I’ve been in relationships of varied lengths of time and I’ve been single at varied lengths of time as well. There was only one instance where I wish I was single and that was because the guy was psycho.

#13) “You’re too picky”
My standards are not abnormally high or low. I won’t bore you with the details of criteria in my “ideal guy” or whatever, because when it comes down to it, chemistry (both physical and emotional) is what matters. I just happen to not have chemistry with THAT many people, although I have dated guys that I didn’t have very strong chemistry with and it didn’t last.

Ah, my post got a bit rant-y. To sum things up, I appreciate what my friends try to do for me and my single self. I get that it’s hard to relate to someone who is single when you are in a different situation. Can’t speak for all singletons out there, but all I really need is for them to let me vent, and maybe swap stories with, then go about our day.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

NICE GUYS FINISH LAST....?


This is probably one of the reigning kings of all clich├ęs. The thought was inspired by conversations with real-life nice guys such as my brother, two close friends, and an ex-boyfriend. So do you nice guys finish last? You might if:
  1. “Nice” is the only thing you have to offer. As in, it takes up more than say, 70% (just throwing out a number here) your noticeable personality traits. A friend of mine was throwing a house party last summer and invited the object of his affection. At that time he knew she was not interested in him but invited her anyway. Well she brought her new boyfriend along and let’s just say drama and reality hit my friend hard. When asked why he even bothered to extend the invite, he said he did not want to come off as a jerk by excluding her. Safe to say, sometimes it’s okay to exclude people that will make you uncomfortable in certain settings. Is this selfish? Slightly, but forgivable. Also, other than screwing yourself over, nobody gets to see the other great qualities about you. Are you witty? A great athlete? Well, if your niceness is overshadowing these traits, then nobody is going to notice. It okay to let your peacock feathers out once in a while!
  2. You are running in the wrong race / playing in the wrong game / have no game. Opposites attract and that may be a good explanation as to why so many nice guys are dating raging lunatic bitches. A nice guy may be more drawn to someone who is different than he is, and usually that is a woman he can’t keep up with but can’t help himself because he is hooked on the chase. Sometimes that woman is a raging lunatic bitch, and sometimes she is perfectly normal, but just not interested in him. Instead of dusting yourself off and expanding the search, you may just end up chasing the same type of women over and over again, because after all, you’re a nice guy, and people like nice, right? Here’s a tip: either stop chasing after women you can’t keep up with and don’t overlook the ladies that are also “nice” like you, or step up your game. The latter is a bit more challenging, I know.
  3. You’re not hot. I hate saying this, because it is so utterly shallow and it makes me cringe! But, looks matter. There’s inner beauty yada yada but outer beauty is something explicit and at face value.  However, I would consider this the least important out of the three because not everyone has to be good looking to survive the dating world. I just wanted to round out this list with 3 items and this was reasonable enough. You don’t have to be “hot” in a Channing Tatum sense, but just be physically appealing to someone out there, and that usually involves a degree of personal hygiene at least.

Please keep in mind, these are merely opinions I have formed over the years, knowing and dating nice guys myself, and also being what most would consider a “nice girl”. However, as of late,  I’m getting bored of life and would not mind dabbling in some bad behavior ;)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

KISS AND TELL

They say a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Well, I am no gentleman so I've kissed and I am telling.
I've wondered if there is any concrete way of confirming how good (or bad) of a kisser one really is. Do you just trust someone telling you that "you're a good kisser"? Or, if they continue to kiss you, should you take it as a signal that you aren't too shabby? I've only been corrected once on my technique and that was when I was 14 (it was my first kiss, and it was far from his first..anything. Man, that boy got A-ROUND) and every experience afterward has been critique-free. So I will assume I am fine in that department until proven otherwise.

However, nobody wants to read about the positive stuff. You want the dirt, dontcha?? I was fortunate enough not to have encountered too many bad kissers but the bad ones surely made an impression. Here are two that stood out:

"Saliva Sam"
No his name is not Sam, thought I'd spare him the embarrassment of revealing his true identity. This was a guy I thought was hot since my earlier college years so when we finally kissed, I was delighted, until I realized how much of his saliva ended up on my face and neck. All things aside, he really was a good kisser but I was not looking for a spit shower, sir. I liked him enough to look past it but things didn't work out (non-saliva related issues).

"Peckin' Pete"
Again no real names used. I was actually not attracted to this guy in any way or form, but I was going through a serious date drought and he seemed like a nice guy. Was he nice? Yes. Was he a good kisser? Noooo. This guy had thin lips (now that I look back on it, most guys I've dated and/or kissed had nice, full lips) so there was no cushion for the mouth pushin' (hey, you come up with something better) and he did this weird thing that I can only describe as part suction, part pecking. It was as if he was trying to exercise his neck muscles by all these weird motions he was making. Worst of all, he was very into PDA. Now I don't mind holding hands or a quick kiss, but he would just grab me in the middle of the street and start making out with/pecking repeatedly at me. I pulled out the dating stop sign on that one.

Share your horror stories!


Wednesday, July 3, 2013

HOT OR NOT, LIKE, POKE, E-PROP

OK so that last part (e-prop) was thrown in there for comedic effect. This entry is inspired by an article I just read on Sheckys about dating apps. The horrible world of dating apps!

I was telling my guy friend how hard it was to meet people since I work in a female and gay male dominated industry, and that I recently cancelled my account at a well-known dating site. He suggested I join Tinder and my mouth curled in disgust. How dare he?! I was not looking for some quickie on the hetero version of Grindr, mind you. And might I add, there was a CSI:NY (or was it Law&Order SVU?) episode where that kind of app got a girl raped and killed!

Look, if you want to use Tinder or Grindr or DontTellMeYourNameLetsJustBang (I just made that up, maybe I should copyright it?) then that's you. Some people are looking for a quick hookup and some people are genuinely looking for love, I understand that. But it just bothers me that this is what "dating" has come to, as if life isn't unromantic enough. *HUFFS AND WALKS AWAY*

Monday, June 24, 2013

THE 3RD/5TH/7TH WHEEL

Last week I decided to quit/take an indefinite break from online socializing (yea I still refuse to use the term "online dating"). For now, I would rather spend more time with friends I actually know versus forcing myself to get to know a complete stranger. Don't I sound so outgoing?

In doing that, I realized...I am putting myself in the position of being a 3rd/5th/7th, etc wheel. I've planned out a bunch of free/cheap activities around the city this summer and I realized, despite being the coordinator, I will be the lone cheese, essentially. It's a good thing I am already friends with or like the significant others of my friends or else I'd be bringing the rain to my own parade. It's also a good thing I have just about a handful of single friends that I can force/gently coerce into going with me to said activities :)

I'm going to have to get back on that digital dating horse (wow I paint with words I tell you!) someday because I don't want to whine about being single forever and also to spice up this blog a bit. I'm previewing 2 other sites so I'll just wait and see when I have enough cajones/boredom to officially join them.

Meanwhile, here's an article from Refinery29 that single ladies should take a peek at, if only for entertainment.

Monday, June 17, 2013

THAT THING THEY CALL "ONLINE DATING"

I cringe at the term "online dating". I don't have anything against the action itself, but I just hate that term. I think it's also because I sort of dislike the term "dating" but not as much as I dislike the term "seeing each other". Either you want to be with that person or you don't. That is just a nice way of saying "testing them out until I find something better" which is nice way of saying "I don't think they are good enough to be my boyfriend/girlfriend at the moment or ever".

But I digress. On Memorial Day weekend, I was feeling particularly down and sorry for myself because I realized I was spending so much time with my family (I love my family, but as a 28 year old woman, I noticed my social activities were dwindling and was scared that this was a sign of how the rest of my summer would go) and felt kind of like a loser.

So, I decided to do two things I was reluctant to do: watch Game of Thrones (awesome, but I am behind so please no spoilers) and join an "online dating site". I will not name names.

At first, it was actually pretty exciting. It was so easy! Just put some photos up and write about yourself and bam! Watch the messages and compliments flow in. I regularly kept in contact with a handful of them and agreed to meet up with three. So here is how it went:

Guy#1: I agreed to meet up with him because it turns out we went to the same high school (but never encountered one another, as the student population swelled over 4000) so I figured it was safe to meet up with him, plus maybe it would be easy for us to become pals. Long story short, he seemed like a nice guy but we did not click. Well, at least I got that memo, he hasn't as he texted me several times, and tried to add me and 2 other friends on Facebook. How do you gently turn someone down on friendship? Awkward.

Guy#2: I liked that he was tall (6'4?) and intelligent. Sadly, we didn't click, but I think he and I both got the memo so that saved the trouble of having to do the text message shuffle. At one point I asked him if he was either tired or high. Not to be rude, but more to break the ice and also because he really did look tired or high.

Guy#3: He was smart, and had a good sense of humor which were major pluses in my book. And so comes the "however..." part. I did not like the fact that he lied about his height. He was at least 3 inches shorter than his stated profile height. There is nothing wrong with your height, just don't lie about it. Although we clicked the most out of the 3 that I met up with, there were no sparks. Not sure if he got the memo on that but he's smart, he'll figure it out, I'm sure.

The next night, I cancelled my "online dating" account. Though I am not thrilled at being single while my friends are getting hitched left and right, I am not thrilled with the idea of online dating either. My main objective was not to find love (or lust), but to expand my social horizons and hopefully find someone cool to hang out with and see where it progresses. Sadly, most of these guys had other things in mind (no dirty thoughts, or at least not that dirty I don't think?) and we did not connect. It was a disappointing experience but, I'm pretty proud of myself for at least trying. I'm definetley trying to live up to the motto of doing something everday that scares you. Guess I'll have to try another outlet.

Friday, June 14, 2013

POST BREAK-UP

Where the hell have I been for the past 14 months? Wondered nobody.

Well I was in a relationship for a tad over a year, and that ended in March. I care about my ex-boyfriend and respect him so I will not disclose too much. I will say though, I am sad for the life we will never have together but relieved that I can finally admit to myself (and him) that maybe our lives were to only intertwine on a platonic level. I also not-so-secretly think that he should date his best friend's (female) cousin. I have a feeling that will happen before the first crunchy autumn leaf falls to the ground. Like my poetic flow there?

So now I am back here ready to share my terrifically horrfic stories of singlehood. After much hesitation, I joined an online dating site. I hate calling it such because my primary goal is not to date someone off the site, but to meet new people to socialize with. If it turns into something romantic, (surprisingly) great, but if not, I figured I would gain a new friend and date his hot friends (haha, half kidding). However, I don't think most guys think this way; either he gets to do you or he doesn't and if it's the latter, don't try to be his friend since he has plenty of those he can't do.

Stay tuned.