Wednesday, July 10, 2013

KISS AND TELL

They say a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Well, I am no gentleman so I've kissed and I am telling.
I've wondered if there is any concrete way of confirming how good (or bad) of a kisser one really is. Do you just trust someone telling you that "you're a good kisser"? Or, if they continue to kiss you, should you take it as a signal that you aren't too shabby? I've only been corrected once on my technique and that was when I was 14 (it was my first kiss, and it was far from his first..anything. Man, that boy got A-ROUND) and every experience afterward has been critique-free. So I will assume I am fine in that department until proven otherwise.

However, nobody wants to read about the positive stuff. You want the dirt, dontcha?? I was fortunate enough not to have encountered too many bad kissers but the bad ones surely made an impression. Here are two that stood out:

"Saliva Sam"
No his name is not Sam, thought I'd spare him the embarrassment of revealing his true identity. This was a guy I thought was hot since my earlier college years so when we finally kissed, I was delighted, until I realized how much of his saliva ended up on my face and neck. All things aside, he really was a good kisser but I was not looking for a spit shower, sir. I liked him enough to look past it but things didn't work out (non-saliva related issues).

"Peckin' Pete"
Again no real names used. I was actually not attracted to this guy in any way or form, but I was going through a serious date drought and he seemed like a nice guy. Was he nice? Yes. Was he a good kisser? Noooo. This guy had thin lips (now that I look back on it, most guys I've dated and/or kissed had nice, full lips) so there was no cushion for the mouth pushin' (hey, you come up with something better) and he did this weird thing that I can only describe as part suction, part pecking. It was as if he was trying to exercise his neck muscles by all these weird motions he was making. Worst of all, he was very into PDA. Now I don't mind holding hands or a quick kiss, but he would just grab me in the middle of the street and start making out with/pecking repeatedly at me. I pulled out the dating stop sign on that one.

Share your horror stories!


Wednesday, July 3, 2013

HOT OR NOT, LIKE, POKE, E-PROP

OK so that last part (e-prop) was thrown in there for comedic effect. This entry is inspired by an article I just read on Sheckys about dating apps. The horrible world of dating apps!

I was telling my guy friend how hard it was to meet people since I work in a female and gay male dominated industry, and that I recently cancelled my account at a well-known dating site. He suggested I join Tinder and my mouth curled in disgust. How dare he?! I was not looking for some quickie on the hetero version of Grindr, mind you. And might I add, there was a CSI:NY (or was it Law&Order SVU?) episode where that kind of app got a girl raped and killed!

Look, if you want to use Tinder or Grindr or DontTellMeYourNameLetsJustBang (I just made that up, maybe I should copyright it?) then that's you. Some people are looking for a quick hookup and some people are genuinely looking for love, I understand that. But it just bothers me that this is what "dating" has come to, as if life isn't unromantic enough. *HUFFS AND WALKS AWAY*