Wednesday, July 10, 2013


They say a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Well, I am no gentleman so I've kissed and I am telling.
I've wondered if there is any concrete way of confirming how good (or bad) of a kisser one really is. Do you just trust someone telling you that "you're a good kisser"? Or, if they continue to kiss you, should you take it as a signal that you aren't too shabby? I've only been corrected once on my technique and that was when I was 14 (it was my first kiss, and it was far from his first..anything. Man, that boy got A-ROUND) and every experience afterward has been critique-free. So I will assume I am fine in that department until proven otherwise.

However, nobody wants to read about the positive stuff. You want the dirt, dontcha?? I was fortunate enough not to have encountered too many bad kissers but the bad ones surely made an impression. Here are two that stood out:

"Saliva Sam"
No his name is not Sam, thought I'd spare him the embarrassment of revealing his true identity. This was a guy I thought was hot since my earlier college years so when we finally kissed, I was delighted, until I realized how much of his saliva ended up on my face and neck. All things aside, he really was a good kisser but I was not looking for a spit shower, sir. I liked him enough to look past it but things didn't work out (non-saliva related issues).

"Peckin' Pete"
Again no real names used. I was actually not attracted to this guy in any way or form, but I was going through a serious date drought and he seemed like a nice guy. Was he nice? Yes. Was he a good kisser? Noooo. This guy had thin lips (now that I look back on it, most guys I've dated and/or kissed had nice, full lips) so there was no cushion for the mouth pushin' (hey, you come up with something better) and he did this weird thing that I can only describe as part suction, part pecking. It was as if he was trying to exercise his neck muscles by all these weird motions he was making. Worst of all, he was very into PDA. Now I don't mind holding hands or a quick kiss, but he would just grab me in the middle of the street and start making out with/pecking repeatedly at me. I pulled out the dating stop sign on that one.

Share your horror stories!


  1. I just broke things off with a wonderful guy and honestly, kissing was a contributor because affected our overall chemistry. He was a Saliva Sam, and he also tilted his head at almost 90 degrees to lean in and kiss me.

    As for knowing if you are a good kisser yourself, you have to take others' word for it. If a guy keeps coming back for more, it's a good sign. With my Saliva Sam, by the end I'd turn my head or kiss his neck to avoid his mouth.

  2. My worst offender was someone I dated for a year! He was a tongue thruster, to the point where I felt like I was in a battle each time we kissed. I had to coerce him into modifying his technique because while I like the enthusiasm, I don't want to feel like my tongue has no choice but to lie down and surrender every time we kiss. Sigh.