Sunday, March 30, 2014

ASIAN FEMALE, WHITE MALE

Let's cut to the chase here: there are more and more Asian female, White (fine fine, Caucasian) male couples out there. I've been part of more than one as well (no, not at the same time, geez!). Inspired by this cringe-worthy attempt at satire, I thought I'd give my thoughts on this.

I can't say for certain why white guys like Asian girls (I'm not a white guy, how would I know?), but one of my guesses would be this: we are different enough in appearance and culture to seem more "exotic" than their white female counterparts, but not SO different that we're completely foreign. Allow me to explain: while yes, most of us do have black hair, dark brown eyes, and yellow undertones in our skin, for the most part, our overall body image and style preferences do not differ very much from a white girl's. Both Asian and white females put an emphasis on being slim, having long, shiny hair, and have a preference for similar styles of clothes and brands. In social and academic circles, we often occupy the same space, so there is that proximity factor. Yes, I know there is that whole "Yellow Fever" fetish thing, but that's been talked about so often that I don't feel like repeating it here. Also, I have dated white guys before, and only one of them seemed to have a fetish, while the others have a (non-creepy) preference. Call me naive, but I do believe there is a fine difference between the two.

Why do I say this? Probably due to my own personal preference toward Caucasian men. I can't speak for other Asian women who look toward the Caucasian persuasion for a mate, but I can speak for my own. First, let's get this clear: I like Asian guys as well. Wait, let me re-state that: I like Asian-American guys. More on that later.

I was born and raised here; a majority of my neighbors and classmates growing up were white-Americans (mainly Italian and Irish descent) so naturally, my first crushes and friends were also white-Americans. The faces on TV? White. The faces on ads? White. Though I know what race I am (always have, I mean I grew up with mirrors you know), I am not constantly aware of this until someone feels like pointing it out (mockingly and cruelly as a child, but less so as an adult). I have always identified as being a Chinese-American. I have Chinese immigrant parents, who came to America, and then had me and my brother. So this is where we circle back to my previous emphasis of liking Asian-American guys. I have to stress the American part because of who I am to the core. I embrace both sides of my ethnic/cultural identity, but I lean more toward American. I have dated AA's before but the ones I failed to find a connection with are the ones who lean toward their Asian identity and then make me feel bad for not doing the same. This is where the switch goes off for me. You know how there's a saying that goes along the lines of, "a girl wants to date a guy that reminds her of her father?" This is totally not true for me. I love my dad, but he has traits that I rather my partner not have. He chastised my brother and I for speaking English in his presence, he was always grumpy when my mother didn't have a proper Chinese dinner prepared every night, and he just seemed to resent the fact that his American-born children weren't "Chinese enough" for his liking. This is how I felt my Chinese-American prospects judged me. I just wasn't "Chinese" enough for them and they weren't "American enough" for me. Granted, we all ended up friend-zoning each other so this is probably the reason why a majority of my platonic male friends are indeed of Chinese (Hong Kong and Taiwanese as well, don't bite my head off) descent. I seem to have better luck with Korean-American guys, which may attribute to the "similar enough to feel familiar but different enough to keep things interesting" factor. I know White does NOT equal American and vice-versa. But the white guys I'm speaking of here are the white-American guys. Their American-ness is more in line with my own American-ness. Even if they are first generation European-Americans, they don't seem to have that pressure to maintain their parents' home country traditions as much as children of Asian immigrants do. They are hardly ever Gringo-shamed.

So let's get to the (white) meat of the matter: Caucasian males. First, the obvious: there are just more of them in the U.S. Second: their physical appearance. I am aware that a majority of white men (and men in general) do not look like Chris Hemsworth (TOO BAD RIGHT?) but Caucasians have a bit more variety in their appearances than we Asians do (no we do not all look alike, but a majority of us do have the same hair and eye color). Variety is the spice of life, and I like my spice. Also, height. I'm 5'5 and I like my stilettos. I'd prefer my date to still tower over me when I've got my heels on. I've spent my entire childhood and adolescence being called "tall for an Asian girl" and having to feel like a giant troll next to all my other neatly wrapped, petite Asian gal pals so it's a nice feeling to be the small one for a change. (If you're wondering if I'm a heifer, the answer is: I'm a size 2 and sometimes 4 if I've had enough Hot Cheetos that week...I am just not as delicately small framed as most of my Asian girl friends who are 5'0 and easily size 00 so I look large in comparison). Not many Asian males hit the Jeremy Lin height mark (not very tall for an NBA player, but tall for an average person, and especially tall for an Asian person...speaking of Jeremy Lin, he's quite fetching, I'd like to attend a Rockets game  and then make him a sandwich after because basketball makes you hungry...does this make me a "puma"?) but there are more tall people in the Caucasian lane.

Aside from appearance, I just tend to be more intrigued by men who had a different upbringing than I did. More often than not, a Caucasian guy will have a different childhood than I did. His parents are different, his traditions are different, sometimes he moved from a different hometown and so his experiences are way different too. I want to share my world with his and I want him to share his world with me. It makes for a more interesting union when two different worlds come together, rather than two similar worlds just overlapping. I'm a city girl, and I kind of dig that small town golden boy thing. More often than not, these boys are white. Sure it's a weird, unfair preference toward novelty, but different strokes for different folks.

Lastly, it just boils down to chemistry. I may have been long winded about my preferences, but the one thing I cannot explain is chemistry. The spark is either there or it isn't, and for whatever reason, my spark is just very specific.

3 comments:

  1. I feel like I could have written much of this post, except from an Indian-American perspective! I'm "huge" for an Indian girl (5'9", size 4-6 depending on the day). I was one of few minorities in school growing up so I very much identify with my American side, more than my Indian side. A lot of the Indian-American males I encountered and briefly dated, for all that they were American, still had some old world notions about gender roles.

    Aesthetically, I prefer white guys. Opposites attract, I suppose - I like blondes and gingers!

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    1. Ooh someone who actually likes a ginger lad? That's a first ;)

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