Monday, November 23, 2015

birthdate

It's been over a year since my last entry and a lot has changed since then. By change, I mean I am no longer single...but that does not mean I have run out of stories to tell.

As I was looking up Christmas gift ideas for the boyfriend, I realized how nice it was to have such a thing to even worry about.."eustress" they call it. Anyway, I rarely had the need to pick out Christmas presents for boyfriends because I rarely had a boyfriend during the holidays. Then that's when I realized I also rarely had the need to pick out birthday gifts because...well, you can use your deductive reasoning.

I am embarrassed to admit that what I am about to tell you happened to me not once, but twice in the same year. I was dating a guy on/off (who henceforth shall be known as "Suspenders"..not because he wore them outside of black tie weddings, but he would be the type to, given the chance) for about 6 months at that point. We always had lots of fun on our dates and by "lots of fun" I mean eat and drink ourselves silly. So when his birthday came around, I suggested to take him out for dinner and drinks...and our playful conversations/texts/dates came to a screeching halt. He traveled a lot for work so I naively assumed he was on another business trip. Then a few more days went by, and eventually it was his actual birthday..I knew this not because of the date listed on his Facebook profile, but because there were pictures of him out with his friends celebrating. I didn't completely understand why he had ghosted on me upon my suggestion to take him out. Did he not want to feel pressure to invite me to his party? I honestly would not have cared, I respect people's desire to hang out with their own friends. Then what was it? Deep down I probably did know the answer at the time but I was in denial and I was taken aback more than anything.

Fast forward a few months later and I was making the same mistake with a different guy (let's call him Turtle, because he owned a bunch of turtles). Shame on me, because this was actually someone I dated briefly years ago. He was someone I never quite clicked with but went along with dating him because I was single and he was tall. YEA THAT'S ALL IT TAKES FOLKS. Anyway, this time around, he seemed a lot sweeter and pleasant to be around, so I thought it was appropriate to suggest taking him out for a birthday lunch. I did not get a direct reply, but 30 minutes later, I was forwarded a Facebook invite to a party he was having at a beer garden. Well, at least this one had the decency to invite me to his birthday party, right?

Later that month, I reconnected with Suspenders and I told him about what happened with Turtle and confronted him about the same thing he did to me months prior. He sheepishly admitted that although my offer was well-intentioned, it was also dangerously chartering on "girlfriend" waters. CUE EYE ROLL. I reminded him that our dates consisted of dinner and drinks anyway and even told him what I had planned that night (slices at a non-romantic pizzeria followed by drinks at a fun cocktail bar) and he admitted it would have been fun...yea, would have had he not freaked out for no reason at all.

Even though those days are behind me, I still feel uncomfortable thinking back to those moments (after all, they didn't happen that long ago) and realized that (hetero) dating in NYC felt like a man's game and women never got a copy of the rules.

Lesson learned: at least I saved a few bucks on not taking those boys out.